Sideways (8/10 on IMDB) is a good film. But National Lampoon is sick and tired of that, and offers up several excellent ways in which the film could have been improved.

One thing you might have noticed about Sideways is that, for the duration of its two-hour running time, nothing ever fucking happens. My improved, adrenaline-pumped Sideways features a cameo by Steven Seagal, who goadingly announces his hatred for all wine at a wine tasting event, then gets into a drag-down karate fight with a bushel of grapes.

Here’s the kicker: the grapes win the fight. Steven Seagal is shamed, and does one-handed push-ups in several high-octane training sequences.

Go have a read.