Another Classic from the onion

Let me level with you. I’m fat. Not heavyset, but F-A-T, fat. I’m not saying this because I’m proud. It takes a lot of courage to admit it, but I have a problem. Strangers gape in amazement. Children taunt me behind my back. People have trouble looking at me when I eat, and for good reason: I’m huge. But gosh, I don’t like being this way. I hate it as much as you do—maybe more. What I want to know is, how come no one is doing anything about it?

For God’s sake, don’t just stand there doing nothing.